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sarah wrote:

i always get madly obsessed with and madly in love with street performers. first there was the accordian man jason webley from seattle. then sofia. then the sleepwalker. then jason webley again. what should i do? what is your advice for properly seducing a street performer?

From: ninjA - 08/27/2002

True ninjAs only love is the darkness...and video games.

From: Elroy - 08/27/2002

Danger Will Robinson!

From: sparklypia - 08/27/2002

Stalking is never a good idea.

From: skinnymao - 08/27/2002

One thing street performers can never resist is CASH. (also pronounced "kis-ash") The clinking of change is the mating call that none can resist, and the pheromones released from the almighty dollar turns them into wild raging love beasts.

From: slackerkat - 08/27/2002

while they are performing, stand exactly one foot away from them and stare deeply into their eyes, even when they try to look away (they are just being coy) make sure you uphold eye contact. each time they finish a song, jump up and down in the air while clapping and scream "omigod i love you!!! i love you!!!". they'll be like putty in your hands.......

From: ShinobiTom - 08/27/2002

I find when I am in the right place at the right time and with the right people, I find some pretty amusing street performers that are madly obsessive. When I am in the wrong place in the right time, the street performers I see are usually not with the right people in the right place and are not the type of people one should be madly obsessed with.

From: TheSleepwalker - 08/28/2002

Sophia seems to really like it when people are madly in love with her. Just slip her your number...and maybe a twenty.

From: Saruman - 08/28/2002

I also have a crush on the Sleepwalker.

From: TonKatsu - 08/28/2002

When you see your street performer making his/her living, walk by and clumsily (and obviously) steal his/her jar o' profits. Run away (don't worry, your street performer will chase you). Keep running until your street performer is almost ready to give up, then offer to return the money only AFTER he/she joins you for dinner. Go out to dinner. When the date is over, pay for dinner with the money you took, claiming that under normal circumstances he/she would pay for your meal. It's basic dating courtesy, you know. The street performer will be visibly confused by this, so in the confusion grab his/her wallet and run. Repeat this process over and over and you'll soon find yourself living in his/her house, enjoying all the creature comforts that come standard even on your base-model street performers.

From: blitzkriegbliss - 08/29/2002

sleepwalker seems to get really confused when people are madly in love with him, though he is also a sucker for the green. my wisdom: i see the lure of the musician, rock and roll is sex. and singers know how you feel and how to articulate it. they know everything about you because they have *lived*. however, if you are going to try to seduce a musician, seduce one who has cash. sure they are a little less accessible, but they are glamorous, and they can set you up. street musicians only play in the street because they are poor. and being poor sucks. in conclusion: wait till sophia and sleepwalker get really big, then stalk them backstage after shows. (wearing a short skirt and with hard drugs in hand, of course.) mail them cookies and paintings you have done in their likeness. then after a few albums, you can tell your friends that you liked their early stuff the best, and lament how much better they were before they slipped between the covers of rollingstone(R). at this point it will be uncool to like them and you will have to find new musicians to seduce.

From: discohog - 09/02/2002

well, you have started a neverending cycle with jason webley, then sofia, then sleepwalker, then jason webley again,....then...you must move to....wait for it.....waiting........sophia again and then sleep walker again, and then jason webley again*2, and then sophia again*2, etc. this will never end. The end.

DISCLAIMER: This page is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed or professional counselors. We are offering this advice based on our personal experiences. What you choose to do with this advice is your decision. We are not responsible for your words or actions, or the consequences of them based on your interpretations of our advice. If you think that you may have any type of serious mental illness, you should seek professional counseling.