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Corva Corone wrote:

I want to be cool, but I am so uncool! what can I do?

From: TheSleepwalker - 08/08/2002

Coolness is really a misnomer. It should really be referred to as molecular interaction energy. If you would like to be cooler, simply reduce the number of atoms in your body that are currently in excited states. Once all the electrons align their spins and stop jumping all over the freakin' place, not only will it be much easier to obtain their momentum and position, but you'll feel cooler and everyone in the physics field will think you're a bloody genius!

From: Zotk - 08/08/2002

Kill yourself now.

From: blitzkriegbliss - 08/08/2002

get a snazzy pair of pants like i have, instant cool--i can't tell you what they look like because you'll probably try to cramp my style, but they are snazzy. also wear a lot of black, it makes you look brooding, aloof, mysterious, and sophisticated. sell all of your cds and buy ones that don't suck. sell all your brother's cds so you have some cash. cream over topics such as: necrophilia, violence, counterfolk, trotskyism, mind control/propaganda, revolution, masturbation, and war. call other people posers. pay me $100 for two days of real life training. and be a tease.

From: skinnymao - 08/08/2002

Since I didn't have the answer to this off the top of my head, I needed to do some research. According to an article I read in the Wall Street Journal, there is a channel called Music Television (MTV) that the young people seem to really enjoy. I turned it on the other day, and from what I gather, being cool consists basically of being completely vapid mentally, wearing skimpy bathing suits, and gyrating your pelvis. Good luck with your coolness experiement!

From: TonKatsu - 08/08/2002

You have no reason to worry. Uncool is the new cool, much like rhinestones are the new black. In times like these, one should always look to the wisdom of soft-drinks. For example, the world is filled with 'popular' drinks like Coke and Pepsi, which are basically identical. But then there's 7-Up, the UNcola. 7-Up stands out as unique and refreshing because it is UNcola, just as you stand out as unique and refreshing because you are UNcool. Don't worry about trying to be cool. Simply stay as you are and work on your carbonation.

From: Saruman - 08/09/2002

Get used to being alone, because nobody wants to hang out with a loser like you.

From: TheSleepwalker - 08/09/2002

I was uncool before uncool was cool.

From: ninjA - 08/09/2002

A complete sword set available to all cool customers for the price of a single katana. Each mirror polished blade is constructed from stainless steel with a coolness temper finish. The blade scabbards are smothered in intricate cobalt and silver coolness. Each piece fits perfectly onto the black lacquer sword display stand. Availability: Usually ships the next business day to cool people. Two to three days for losers.

From: discohog - 08/10/2002

First, you must not associate with other uncool people, such as those listed below. If you are on the list, then you are beyond salvation. * Scrappy Doo * Michael Bolton * Garfield the Cat * Steve Guttenberg * **MTV veejay Kennedy * sleepwalker * Bob Saget * Pauly Shore

From: TheSleepwalker - 08/10/2002

Why am I always on the same list as Michael Bolton!?!?!

From: blitzkriegbliss - 08/11/2002

poseurs.

From: ShinobiTom - 08/14/2002

I find when I am in the right place at the right time with the right people, I am really cool.

From: slackerkat - 08/26/2002

open your freezer door and stick your head in (be sure not to lick anything), stay there for approximately ten minutes, you should start to feel cooler. problem solved....

From: Elroy - 08/27/2002

My positronic matrix has overloaded due to stress. Ask again.

From: ChairmanTubeAmp - 09/17/2002

Dear Corva, Firstly, change your name. Corva Corone, though it rolls nicely off the tongue, is not your typical "cool" name. Try Chad, Biff, or Chip. I realize that you may be female, but this will only add to your cool cache. Secondly, move to a third world country such as Guatemala or Chile. They'll love you there because you are an American, and Americans are universally cool (except in France). Thirdly, begin teaching some of the Chileans English, being careful to always refer to yourself as Biff the Cool One. These simple steps should ensure your coolness for years to come. Good luck! -ChairmanTubeAmp

DISCLAIMER: This page is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed or professional counselors. We are offering this advice based on our personal experiences. What you choose to do with this advice is your decision. We are not responsible for your words or actions, or the consequences of them based on your interpretations of our advice. If you think that you may have any type of serious mental illness, you should seek professional counseling.