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	"30 Lives" Video
	Boys Suck Advice

Jan and Criag wrote:

I own a small shop on Long Island and my business is not booming. I just don't understand. I have great commercials. One time, I even used a talking orangutan. Yet, there is another area store who is still doing better than mine. And they don't even use talking orangutans. How should I change my advertising tactics?

From: Elroy - 07/09/2002

Negative. You have a greater chance of beating me at chess.

From: Sophia - 07/09/2002

obviously the monkeys are putting you out of business, not only are they racketeering and laundering money but they keep people away by showing your potential customers that your business is being run by a species that we left in the dust when we evolved from them. the clientele probably think your into devilution (de-evolution)---and that stuff my swing in the bible belt but not in L.island. also, you may offer inferior product, and higher prices than your competitor--this should be checked into--i recommend a first rate spy such as myself (my prices are reasonable, depending on how dangerous a paticular job is and how long it will take---i think this could be just an in&out job but with a high danger level--we can discuss prices after i arrive, for then i can adequately survey the situation)if indeed you do offer inferior product and higher prices then you are left with only one option--move your whole operation to west virginia---which you may have to do anyway after that whole monkey fiasco.

From: TheSleepwalker - 07/09/2002

I'm no kin to the monkey, no, no, no, and the monkey's no kin to me, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know much about his ancestors, but mine didn't swing from a tree.

From: slackerkat - 07/09/2002

since talking orangutans are not working out for you, try talking fish, talking fish always make me laugh, especially when their eyes are all big and look like they are gonna pop out....

From: discohog - 07/09/2002

I know a good deal more about you than you suspect. I know, for instance, that you're in love with a woman. It is perhaps a strange circumstance that we both should be in love with the same woman. The first evening I came to this cafe, I knew there was something between you and Ilsa. Since no one is to blame, I-- I demand no explanation. I ask only one thing. Please, for the love of god....NO MORE TALKING ORANGUTANS!

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