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Bad Music and Green Tongues
Dear Boys Suck,
my problem is enormous. it is quite possible that even *you* may not be able to help me. i have found recently that i am addicted to Eve 6. they're not an especially *good* band, but they're catchy as hell. it's quite a shame, actually. they are tainting my very punk music collection; what can i do?
also, i have strange green growths on my tongue.
Commercially Alternative,
Daylate Dollarshort
The Sleepwalker Says:
I must admit, you have me extremely worried about your future. First it's Eve 6...before you can blink an eye you'll be listening
to Seven Mary Three or Matchbox 20 or Matchbox Twenty for the newer fans. I must admit that back in my day, I was almost tricked into
the same thing as you. I thought Great White might be a good band for a few seconds, but that quickly passed. Still, after much
pondering, I have a solution for you. Go to an Eve 6 show and make out with all the guys in the band. Your tongue disease will spread
to them and they will be eliminated from the music business. You too will suffer the fate of the green tongue, but still, it will be
for the greater good of society as a whole. Don't forget to lick their ears! Hey, if you have a chance, send us a picture of those green growths so we can
display it here and show the world what's about to happen to Eve 6.
Skinnny Mao Says:
I can relate you you my own sordid stories of my decade long
addiction to NyQuil. The "Lousiville Liquor" as it was called, wrapped its
vise like grip around my neck for far longer than I care to admit. And you
can convince anyone that you don't have a problem, but when you wake up
lying in a pool of antihistamine in a hotel room in Thailand after a three
day binge, not even knowing how you got there...well, you can only lie to
yourself for so long. But with the help of a few good friends, I beat that
nasty habit, and am now completely free and clear, except for the methadone.
Anyway, back to your problem. My advice would be to listen to Boys
Suck. That should destroy any desire to listen to any type of music ever
again. And as for the green things on your tounge, well, just remember to
water fertilize, and get plenty of sun, and i am sure they will sprout in no
time at all.
Melosa Storm Says:
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based on our personal experiences. What you choose to do with this advice is your decision.
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your interpretations of our advice. If you think that you may have any type of serious mental
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