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Blindness really satisfies...or does it?

Dear Boys Suck,
 
I have proven the oldest myth in the world to be true.
I have masturbated to the point of blindness. (I thought this only happened to boys?!..)
What now, B.S.?
I can't even see what I'm typing right now. I problaby ahve al kindss of speeling erors.
Please help. And don't tell me to stop polishing my pink pearl.
Self-pleasure is my only reason for living
...well, that and Snickers bars.
 
stickily yours,
Girl in need of a seeing eye massager

Skinnny Mao Says:
Under most health insurance programs, having a handicap like blindness will qualify you to receive a Simian Aide (check with your specific health care provider for details). Basically, this is a small monkey that will help you complete your daily tasks. They can get things for you, help you get around, and in the case of exceptionally adept monkeys, even help you do chores.

Melosa Storm Says:
....

The Sleepwalker Says:
Ok, relax, don't panic. I had this problem once also. The trick is, you have to remember to open your eyes after polishing. It's quite easy to grow tense and even strain the muscle that controls your eyelid. Relax...your 7th cranial nerve should still be intact. Count to 10 and just try to think pleasant thoughts...then quickly OPEN YOUR EYES!! See, problem solved. Another thing to keep in mind is that while they are packed with peanuts, snickers should not be used for pleasure. You can easily get an infection that way. You know what, scrap everything I said. Hold your eyes shut and pray for a monkey. Damn, monkeys rule!

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DISCLAIMER: This page is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed or professional counselors. We are offering this advice based on our personal experiences. What you choose to do with this advice is your decision. We are not responsible for your words or actions, or the consequences of them based on your interpretations of our advice. If you think that you may have any type of serious mental illness, you should seek professional counseling.